


At This moment

by OncerPotter_2016



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men: First Class (Comics)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Murder, Betrayal, Blood, Blood and Gore, Blood and Torture, Blood and Violence, Character Death, Diary/Journal, Don't Like Don't Read, Happy Ending, Hurt Charles, Hurt Erik Lehnsherr, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutant Husbands, Physical Abuse, Plot Twists, Poor Charles, Poor Erik, Sad and Happy, Sad with a Happy Ending, Tissue Warning, Torture, Whump, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-04-04 07:12:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14014992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OncerPotter_2016/pseuds/OncerPotter_2016
Summary: Charles and Erik have been together for quite some time but soon when Erik is forced to go an mission of war alone Charles starts to worry. He sends him letters and photos and Charles does the same. But when Erik stops sending him letters Charles doesn't know what to do and he soon starts to imagine what happens if he never meet Erik that at this moment Charles and Erik never become friends, become lovers.. at this moment... Charles just woundered.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Deeranger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deeranger/gifts).



> Yay for a new fanfic! Anyway this was inspired by a fan video by Deeranger who is wounderful by the way. This was also inspired by not just her vid but I've been watching the making of SAW on YouTube and yeah I feeling to do more Hurt and comfort and dark fanfics. Please enjoy.

What happens when at this moment things aren't what they seem and they were just a dream, a fantasy inside your head.. well for me nothing seemed real. It seemed so fake to me and yet here I am standing by a grave not thinking my nightmares, my thoughts and fears were true and here I am telling you what happened and I promise you this is what exactly happened for I witnessed it and nothing could have been worst when it happened right in front of you. Well nothing, nothing even at this moment could predict that the fetal heart had seen... because I am Charles Xavier and at this moment I failed to save someone, some I loved and for a split second I tried my best to forget but Raven said this was the best way to forget, to write it down, to tell someone and so here I am writing this to let go of my fears, my grief and my broken heart.

As I write this you should know a few things about myself first and soon you will get to the point where why I have to write this bloody letter. I'm Charles Francis Xavier. I'm twenty-four years old. I'm pretty smart for my age and got a PhD in genetic science. I meet a young man by the name of Erik Lehnsherr, he was a bit rude but I knew him. I knew his pain and his history. I read his mind, I'm a mutant just like him you see and he impressed me one day showing off his magnetism by lifting the watch I left on the table. This is our story, our story of how he died, how I was a coward and how we fell apart.

My sister Raven, she was the one who told me to do this, she wanted to help and here we are waiting for me to begin. I will start soon but there's one more thing before I get to the point... I loved him. And I loved him because I and I alone was the one the one who killed him, I didn't want to but I did. I loved him, I didn't want to hurt him I promise. I love him.. I love him.. I BLOODY LOVED HIM... Erik. Erik.. oh gosh Erik I'm sorry..I'm sorry... gosh you must think I'm a fool, a sick fool for crying but I did and his blood is on my hands now. But let's get back on track. let I tell you about Erik and me, to finally get this out of my system.

_This is how it all went down at this very moment._


	2. Chapter 2

_let’s start nine years ago…_

**July 14th, 1954**

The house was empty apart from me and Raven, she was visiting from her home in California and for once I was very pleased to have her company. The house has been empty ever since mother left me and Raven alone as she had always done going away with her new husband, that Kurt Marko and his good for nothing son Cain. And off they all went to Europe, somewhere warm and pleasant they hope but as for me and Raven, we were lucky to have each other with Raven being only two years younger than I was but that made no difference. We had each other and that’s all that mattered. I was busy with work going back and forth with the thesis and reports but something else had replaced all that, it was strong and my mind began to hurt like crazy.

“gah..” I groaned.

“Charles.Charles what’s wrong?” asked Raven in her usually worried tone bringing down her newspaper in her hands. She immediately rushes to my side by my desk and rested her small hands on my shoulder.

She eyed my own eyes but I tried my best to look away wanting nothing of her but her company was all I had.

“Charles!”

“Raven, please go back I’m alright, I promise” I reassured her but she can see right through me. I sat in my chair not taking notice but it was not in my favour. I heard a shift in motion, a harsh whiplash of the wind and as I turned I nearly died from the shock of seeing myself next to me.

“RAVEN!” I screamed grasping my chest where my heart was as I took in the pain that I had just endured.

“you tell me what you heard or I’ll be you all day and scream ‘I’M CHARLES XAVIER AND I LOVE DIC..”

“Okay! okay! I…I heard a male speaking.. a male who’s no older than I am. He is coming here..”

“when..?” asked Raven her own appearance now back to her human self.

“now” and just as if it was on cue the doorbell rang and I and Raven jumped to our feet.

“what should we do?”

“don’t worry, just go to the dining room and I’ll speak to him, now go!” I said and she nodded and followed my instructions. I fixed my hair, removed dirt and dust from my shirt and waistcoat and went to open the door.

The unconscious mind that lurked inside my own head burst out making the voices inside it grow louder. I heard the man’s voice grow too and it was soft and rough in tone and his accent was somewhat strong… German. That seemed so familiar though, it was as though I knew that from years ago but I simply shook my head and breathed deeply before opening the door as briskly as possible. I swung the cherry oak door and there he was and gosh that smile, that face, those eyes… he was.

“Hello old friend”

There outside stood him… there stood Erik Magnus Lehnsheer. That same guy I went to school with.

“Oh hi, um. Erik, what are you doing here?” I thought carefully not wanting to catch his eye. He smiled and I let him in. He awed at the home I shared with my sister and Inc when had settled himself inside I called for Raven.

“ah this must be your sister” he called out reaching for her hand and Raven was happy to let him take it.

Erik and I go back to a long way and even if I am sixteen and him seventeen we still have good memories of our childhoods. I and Erik went to the same school together, we even had the same classes. Erik was a passionate young man back then always the one who caused fights for our kind.

“well it’s nice to meet you again Erik, I must say I am a little peckish I’ll probably make us some tea and coffee and leave you two with some space to… catch up” she said before jumping gleefully up to her feet and there she left the two of us alone in silence for a while.

“so. how’s life?” I asked in my usual tone of speaking to someone I haven’t seen for a while. Stupid. I’m being stupid again.

“well, I’ve gotten somewhat of a stable job plus college is doing me fine. What about you?” he asked with such kindness.

“Oh, me.I um.. well I am working my way as a Professor of genetics plus working to improve the lives of mutants around the world” I said smiling when I managed to get the words to express themselves and it was a proud achievement, something I lack.

The tension in the room was broken when Erik laughed and I blushed little showing signs of attraction on my face.

“I’m embarrassing you aren’t I?” I pronounced to him, presenting my best behaviour as possible. Erik laughed again.

“no, no you are not” he replied and what I haven't realised since he sat down was how his hand was touching mine, inching it closer to touch it and I gasped when he did.

“something wrong?” he asked and I shook my head. I had only entered his mind once and it wasn’t pleasant. It was a distant memory but I still remember, I looked him in the eyes and I saw him there and he was.. crying. I looked up at him and he didn’t want me to touch him so I had no choice but to enter his mind and I saw everything. This mother and father died in the war’s darkest times, his confrontation with the man named Sebastian Shaw and the images of his torment horrified me; I wanted to help and so he let me and since then we became friends but I didn’t want to just be friends, I wanted more than that and here it was as he started leaning closer.

“I..I wanted to just say that…” I started but I was stopped by lips my own. I hadn’t realised that I had closed my eyes and when I opened them I saw Erik in front of me, kissing me on my lips. The sensation was extraordinary and I couldn’t resist the urge to kiss back. It was the best moment of my life. it was At this moment that I knew that I found the one I could home.


	3. Chapter 3

The kiss was exceptional, his lips against mine and our hands dancing over each others hair as we leaned closer. Erik was getting the upper hand as he lowered his hand down to my waist inching it further down my lower abdomen.  
"Erik... ahh E..Erik not now" I moaned through his kisses giggling a little as I pulled him further down my body. His smell was intoxicating, it was hypnotising and I just simply drowned in his body, his smell and his soft moans. We didn't stop until I found myself hearing Raven giggling back in the kitchen and tight there I have forgotten that she has gone away, that she had gone off to make tea or coffee. I pushed Erik back slowly with my arms in front of his chest removing my lips from his own allowing remove to move.  
"Raven... stop it!" I cried out my arms around Erik not shy away from her excitement as she had known this was coming. Raven came out her heels digging the carpet as she came out of the kitchen.  
"OH MY GOSH! I CAN'T believe it..."  
"Raven..please..." I tried to call out but Erik had stopped me, holding my hand as he did so.  
"let her, she was bound to know sooner or later" he spoke mentally, his voice echoing in my mind.

Raven spent the next three minutes squealing, jumping up and down and screaming from pure excitement before settling down between us separating us from our grasp.  
"how? when did this happen?" she asked us wondering the same questions over and over again in her mind.  
"it sort of happened last year, your brother had been crashing on me since High School. Pretty much Charles and I never thought of it. that's why I came. I.. I wanted to say. I.." he announced looking at me pass Raven meeting my eyes as he spoke.  
"I.. I love you" he finally spoke them out wondering what he had said must be an offence or something but I didn't care at least it was him who said it then I for I wasn't much of a speaker back then and even now. Raven squalling a few more times before Erik and I glared at her deeply raising our eyebrows.  
"sorry I'll go and make the tea now.." she said before leaving again.  
"Hey wait, we'll come with you," I say taking Erik's hand making him get up. He was taller than I was about a good six foot making me feel vulnerable but still innocent at the same time.

Erik liked making fun of my height but I barely cared as I find it satisfying to see him bend down to kiss me anywhere.  
"you don't have to I mean you are having a very special moment there" she replied looking at us again with her witty smile.  
"no, we insist and besides you look tired so why don't you take a rest and we'll bring up your tea," said Erik as a kind gesture and at first Raven said nothing thinking about the offer but soon she finally accepted and shook Erik's other hand.  
"Thank you.. and Earl Grey if you are so kind," she said before walking up the stairs and disappearing into her room. I guided Erik to the kitchen where Erik had begun his work on the tea providing on for us and Raven.  
"why have you really come here?" I asked now Raven was gone.  
"like I said, I came here for you" he replied dipping the tea bags into the hot water.  
"I'm serious Erik"  
"no really, I've come for you and only you do you understand..?" he said again handing me my cup of warm tea. For a few moments, there was silence and I was beginning to lose myself in Erik's words.

He must be lying but that kiss was so real, he must be telling the truth. That kiss was all I had to remind myself of his trust and respect knowing well that it was a sign of a good relationship. I smiled again waiting for the right words to escape my mouth.  
"come here" Erik gestured stretching out his arm his body tilting a little shaking a bit too. I sighed and happily joined his arms. We snuggled lightly than there's the shaking again coming from Erik, I could hear his breath becoming sharp and rapid than before I knew it the one thing that was my support beam had fallen down, it came crashing down on me. Erik had collapsed on to the ground his cup of tea shattering spilling its contents everywhere and as Erik fell I fell too taking all our weight with us. The panic in my voice said it all and Raven must have heard too as she ran downstairs to see what the commotion was about and like I she too screamed in pain not minding the glass only to beat Erik's side. I held his hand tightly feeling his pulse wanting him to still breath and he does but faintly.  
"what do we do? taking him to the hospital will get him caught by the humans, those against us.." said Raven taking Erik's other hand. The thought of taking Erik to the hospital was not an option for they know what he has done and yet he was still so young yet so damaged that I wasn't going to risk it.  
"Hank, what about Hank?"  
"what about him?"  
"he's a doctor right?"  
"sort of..?"  
"Than we'll take him to Hank, he knows everything," I said calmly wanting him to agree to my terms. Raven looked deep into my eyes and then to Erik to simply nod in agreement.

We had taken Erik in our arms taking much care to avoid any more injuries and had placed him on the passenger side of the car. Raven knew Hank best and so she drove us towards him passing past others to gain quick access getting Erik the help he needs to survive. I told myself that whatever has happened to Erik we could sort this out, that nothing bad can happen. I trusted Hank to look after Erik and I was going to make sure he promised me that Erik is saved. As Raven drove further I wanted so desperately to give Erik a squeeze of his hand, to ruffle his hair, to kiss him on the lips. And at this moment I knew that something wasn't right that Erik will be okay in the end and we could be that we always wanted to be.. together. In love.


	4. Chapter 4

The sun started to set over the horizon shining through the blinds just enough to bring back what I have lost. The light danced over his face showing signs of life and by the time Hank had walked in through the door I had cried a few times more and had gripped Erik's hand.  
"Hey," said Hank kneeling down placing the items on the bedside table his eyes diverting to me than Erik.  
"thank you" I let out a smile forming slightly but my eyes never looking away from Erik. Hank sighed and looked at Erik once more, he placed his hand gently on his forehead feeling his temperature.  
"how is he?" I asked my voice shaking from the stillness, that long agonising wait that pained me and Hank altogether. He breathed in heavily only to turn to face me his eyes wanting to avoid me but it did anyway.  
"he's alright but he needs some rest for a while"  
"what happened?" I said in desperate need to know, to understand because Erik wasn't going to tell me anyway.

Hank barely spoke a word and when he finally did I couldn't hold in my cries.  
"he hasn't told you has he?.. damn it, Erik!"  
"what? what is it?"  
"he.. he.." before he could spill Raven had entered the room asking if Hank was done who smiled weakly.  
"I must go.. I'm sorry Charles" he said before leaving squeezing Raven's hand before she left. My sister sat down next to me, her hand on my own and her head on my shoulders.  
"I'm sorry Charles," she said back to me but sorry wasn't enough, it wasn't enough to satisfy me of my needs. Saying sorry wasn't going to get Erik back and he knows what it's like to be treated like he didn't know as he could just simply touch his temple with his fingers and read their minds but he does  
don't want to.  
"why are you sorry for?, there is never anything for you to be sorry for" I replied keenly aware that she was going to say something about Erik creating an image in my mind telling me how silly this was.  
"Charles all I'm saying is that.." she stopped her eyes wide before the door opened again and I grew frustrated by the disturbances that were present in the room.

Emma Frost has entered knocking before entering. She stood by the door frame looking at the pair of us.  
"may I speak to you Raven for a moment," she asked not making a single eye contact with me which I found quite rude really. Raven smiled and patted my shoulder before leaving her breath shallow as she reached the door.  
"I'll tell you later. goodbye Charles"  
"goodbye Raven," I say before waving them goodbye now focusing my attention to Erik who still laid their silently his breaths making his chest rise and fall in motion with his heartbeat.  
"will you just tell me, I could use the truth now" I whisper the words wanting no one else to hear me speak for these are only for me and Erik to listen to, I wanted him to answer me and even if he can't I wished he could just to hear him speak again. The room became silent again and I held his hand gripping it between mine; I've waited for too long and kissed his soft hand kissing it once, twice and three times more. I wasn't going to let go not when I was like this yet something seemed so good and maybe it was just his warmth.

Time seemed to slip past us and when I had somehow fallen asleep next to Erik I was woken by someone shaking my shoulders. I didn't dare to wake up for it must be a dream this time but it wasn't and the fantasy I had conducted was all in my head and reality took over.  
"Charles? Charles are you okay?"  
Hank stood behind me alone with Frost and Raven. They glared silently maintaining their gaze at the way I touched Erik's hand, his and my fingers interweaved with each other.  
"I'm...I'm fine, what's going on?" I asked still in a sleepy state, I wanted to go back to sleep but Raven was already talking back to me.  
"Charles, you must let go now"  
"why?"  
"because..."  
"because he needs rest and you too, we need to get you home" interrupted Emma her golden eyes sweeping past me. I sighed, my attention slowly fading lightly from Erik to the rest of them, I wanted to stay but the night was coming and there was a slight breeze in the room and so I was happy to get up and leave yet the thought of leaving was odd to me for leaving meant forever. A person lost in the darkness.

I had a tough choice to make for what I must do is hard but it will be something that will haunt me taking away what I love most. The fear was real and then there's the possibility that Erik will survive whatever was happening to him but I wasn't going to dwell on the dark side of thins instead I was proud and happy for the achievements we had taken. We made history and still striving for more. We were young and happy not more and nothing less. Raven had taken my hand and took it with glee watching my movements carefully taking my time to process my thoughts and feelings.  
"I will be able to visit again tomorrow.. or any other time," I say softly waiting for a response which came quickly from Hank's mouth.  
"yes, of course, you are welcome anytime" he replied his hand on my shoulder and the course of the next few days were exactly that as there was more to us than you may think. I had visited Erik for the past few weeks going back making sure that he was still alive and on the last day of the third week a moan escaped Erik mouth where I leapt for joy and bolted to his side.  
"c. Charles"  
"Oh, Erik! you're okay! I love. love you" I blurted out of my mouth saying these words in a rushed tone.  
"I love you too" he whispered leaving his words hanging as the metal in the room rose and hovered slightly off the ground. I didn't care as long as I'm with him that was all that mattered.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I've been so busy with school and life that I haven't got much time to write but here's the next chapter please enjoy.

So that's how it began, though I still wished he was here only he isn't and I would be considered crazy if he did. I still continue to write this asking myself whether I should stop or not but I wouldn't dare. I wanted to remember what he was, what he has become and it surely was something to be proud of. Mutant and Proud. That's what Raven use to say but after Erik died it seemed to have faded slowly into the abyss of darkness only sinking further down into this bottomless pit. My back leaning slightly at the gravestone as I trembled at the memory that has overcome me.  
"I miss you so much," I say softly whispering at the words wanting Erik to hear my cries. I held back my breaths and slowly guiding you back to what had happened, how it happened and why this had to happen. Deep breaths, deep breaths.. deep breaths.

_Let me take you all to the year 1958, four years later..._

_**November 20th, 1958** _

After these stressful times, I couldn't believe my luck, Erik had made a full recovery allowing us to catch up again. I held his hand for ages not wanting to let go; we smiled and laughed like our times before.  
"I missed you, I thought you were never going to come back" I cried placing my other hand against his cheek gracing it down slowly to his neck.  
"I will never leave you" he replied almost instantly as he kissed me on my lips holding it for a little while longer. Kissing him was the point of no return only wanting to make it last.  
"missed you," I said my forehead against his own, our breaths heavy and tired.  
"you won't have to be alone again," Erik said afterwards wanting to spare this moment of our love. After moments of rest, Erik began to walk again, to feel his feet touching the wooden panels feeling free once more. I helped him steady carefully wrapping my arms around him and laughed when he walked by himself.  
"easy now, I got you," I said getting close to him.

Erik and I... Erik and I held onto each other for a little while longer, we closer and leaned further. We wanted to become much more and that's what we became. Erik recovered well only a few scars showed as we made our way back home taking our time to settle our selves down. I made cups of tea for each of us smiling when he took his first sips of the hot drink.  
"what are you hiding from me?" I said with enough courage that Erik looked me in the eyes and bit his lower lip. We sat there in silence and the tension in the room grew to an increasing size longing the processes of uncommunication. Erik's eyes looked intensely at mine before breathing calmly and deeply his hand gripping tightly around the cup.  
"please, let me explain," he said breaking the unforgivable silence. He raised himself from his seat still shaking from the pain that lingered in his system. He walked towards me and there he stood right at me, towering me from his height and looked down at me.  
"I love you okay, now what did Hank say? what did Raven say?" he continued his hands now gripping my shoulders.  
"nothing..they did say something, but they were interrupted.. oh Erik why don't you just tell me" I cried out banging my fist onto his chest where arms wrapped around me and I was pulled into a warm hug. I could hear his heart beating but the sound seemed off beat.  
"it's complicated...Charles I'm.." before the could finish the doorbell rang and I squeezed Erik's hand after he let me go and smiled faintly before heading for the door.

Raven usually come by at this time but when the door was flung open it wasn't her. Outside stood a messenger, his hand holding a letter, a red envelope encased it.  
"For Sir Lehnsheer" he pronounced the envelope still trapped in his cold hands. I looked at him then back to where Erik was and back again at the messenger. "is Sir Lehnsheer in?"  
"yes, um I'll take it for him if you want" I insisted but he shook his head.  
"Sorry Sir, I can't address you unless you're by the name of Sir Erik Lehnsherr" he demanded.  
"important business"  
I won't forget his words, I won't forget his voice. That important business was more than what t seemed and I was fooled.  
"Charles? Charles who.." Erik called his mind in pain. I heard it. He came forward and his leg still on a limp struggling to reach the door.  
"ah, you must be Sir Lehnsheer.." the message called a smile gleamed on his face.  
"what is it?"  
"yes, sir it's a telegram sir, from the CIA sir" he announced with high honours as he handed Erik his letter.  
"Thank you" Erik replied taking the letter in its red envelope.  
"well I must be off, thank for your time gentlemen," the messenger said before smiling, tipping his hat and went on his way. I shut the door immediately heading towards Erik's side holding onto his arm for extra support.  
"what is it?" I asked with curiosity.  
"it's nothing, just. work" he said as he kissed me on the cheek and headed for bed.

I felt my cheek feeling the wetness that was Erik's kiss. I smiled a little only to fall to the ground bringing my knees to my lowering my head down. There I stay for a while before I wiped away the tears and headed upstairs too. When entering Erik's room I simply slid beside him wrapping my arms around his middle.  
"hey.."  
He didn't respond.  
"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked. "what does the CIA want?"  
He breathes in and out in a constant pattern feeling his chest move. Erik turned to face me, his eyes focused the letter in his hand it is the victim of his grip.  
"I'm leaving Charles" He whispered his head resting on my own. I didn't want to believe, didn't want to make sense of this but he saw my anger, my disbelief and had handed me the telegram and the words all fell into my lap. It was all true, a signature laced on the paper calling out to.. to one Moria MacTaggert.


	6. Chapter 6

Moria MacTaggert. She was a good friend, my best friend actually and before Erik, she was my first, my first crush but she had someone else in mind and ever since then we stayed friends but that didn't matter for I found another to replace her love. I found Erik. I stayed close to him, moving my arms closer encasing him in my warmth and love. I kissed him endlessly on the neck begging him not to leave.   
"you don't have to leave, you can stay here and safe.." I took his shoulder and directed him towards me out faces meeting. "and sound" I finished kissing Erik deeply on his lips tasting everything about him. Erik kissed back until he didn't and I frowned.   
"Erik.."   
"no, Charles" he muttered, breathless. "I leave... tomorrow," he said squeezing my hands. He leaned forward down to kiss me again but I pushed him away, I always push them away.   
"please... no more. First, you don't tell me what's happening to you then you are leaving me" I cried my arms loosening their grip around him.   
"Charles, please let me.."   
"it's too late Erik just does what you want.," I say before getting up to leave, leaving Erik behind leaving my tears with him as I exited the room.

When the door shut I heard him cry, I heard him throw something at the door shattering at the impact and I cried too slipping through down on the floor pulling my knees up my chest crying. That's what happened and it was painful, hard to not forget because it happened and Erik and I had it rough. The next morning I found myself lying on the bed, soft and comfortable only to wake up to the sound of silence. Erik was gone. My bedside was empty and cold.   
"that bastard," I said to myself as I made my way downstairs. There was a note at the table and immediately knew it was the moment I saw it. The letter sat there waiting for me to open it and with deep breaths, I grabbed it and opened it with all the emotions still inside.

_Dear Charles,_

_I'm sorry about last night, I'm sorry for what I did but it's important and I'm too scared to tell you and you are right there was something I've been hiding. There was something I've been keeping from you and it isn't easy. Charles, I'm dying. Charles, there isn't much time, there isn't much of my life left but I'm saying this to you now. Charles, will you marry me? Forget the past, we are in the present... please Charles, I love you. you are my everything, I love you, Charles. please if you love me then come and meet me at the entrance of the CIA, I'll be there waiting and if you don't then I know that you've moved and I understand. Charles Francis Xavier, thank you for being there for me when I had a chance, thank you for everything._

_Love from_   
_Erik._

The words rang out the truth and soon the tears began to flow out again. I pulled the latter towards my chest, towards my heart and cried out loud. why didn't he tell me this before, why didn't I know? I should have known but it wasn't there maybe I was too blinded by my selfish thoughts that I didn't dare to listen. I quickly wiped away the tears and without a word the letter still I my hand I got my keys, gotten out of our home and in the car.   
"I'm coming to Erik, I love you," I say as I drove towards him, towards my love. The traffic was bad, the wait though was horrid, the thought was racing though my mind as his voice ran back and forth after all those years ago. His laugh and smile was embedded in my mind too and once that's gone it's gone and I can't take that back. Erik was the one who understood me and I with him so it was a race against time.

Erik was waiting for me, looking for me and I had to drive fast to stop him from leaving. The adrenaline was pumping all around me and every second counts. I take control of the stiring wheel turning it into a corner and after minutes of struggle I finally reached the parking lot.   
"please still be here, please still be here" I whispered to myself, my thoughts reaching out for him. Each step was a memory and each memory provided me with no help to calm my nerves but finally I saw him and my heart leaped for joy. Everything about was okay, he was alright and he was safe and for me I ran as fast as I could leaping at him my arms across his waist.   
"please.. I'm sorry I do love you and.. and I'm here now, and yes Erik.. Erik I will marry you" I say in a one long continuous breath. A kiss was soon placed on my head and a whisper against my cheek.   
"I knew you'd come, I know you.. I love you" he said pulling me tighter into a hug.

This was what I wanted and no matter what we go through I will love him, love him and no more secrets, no more hiding. The truth all the way through.   
"Lehnsheer are you ready?"   
"yeah.. I'm coming" I heard Erik say. Moria MacTaggert came out way with Erik's arm still around me. she smiled endlessly at me before turning back to Erik.   
"your plane leaves in a minute you better go.."   
"but.. can't I just.."   
"have you told him yet?" she asked the look in her eyes saying words of comfort.   
"yes, yes I did but..."   
"no is my answer and now you better make a decision.. stay and lose everything or leave and come home with everything to hold" she replied. Erik hold his breath and before I knew it I was pulled into a deep kiss with his lips touching mine, his hands interwoven into mine only to slip away a few seconds later.   
"I'm sorry" he whispered again before letting go. I stood there as I watched him leave again and I thought he was going to stay as I touched my lips feeling the wetness that laid there. I guess promises are meant to be broken. They were always broken.


	7. Chapter 7

He left me to defend myself and yet I still left so vulnerable. Something about Erik leaving wasn't right and yet I was only to busy thinking about myself and myself only to not think of the positive in this. The air outside was fresh and soon Moria stood by my side her hand on my shoulder.   
"he only told you now?" she asked her tone sharp but not enough to stab my heart. I nod slowly my eyes still at the track of road leading towards the distance.   
"yes, yes he did" I finally managed to say my words all huddled together in one motion. Moria had bitten her lip and had squeezed my shoulder tighter before speaking more of her mind. She was the only human who knew, who understood and was here to take me in, to help me understand one simple question: why?.   
"let's head inside and discuss this shall we" she answered with open arms and I followed with a smile.

Inside was cool and calm, not at all what I expected. We sat down and had our tea in between our hands as we sipped them in unison. After a while Moria shifted forwards and spoke since we had sat down, she looked me in the eyes and said her words carefully.   
"I'm so sorry"  
"what do you mean?" I asked.   
"I knew sending Erik was a poor decision... oh sending him to find and take down Shaw was a mistake"   
Her last few words had then at that moment ripped my heart and threw it on the ground shattering all hope of his survival and my own. I take steady deep breaths to calm my nerves.   
"what..what do you mean by Shaw...?" I asked making sure it was just my mind playing with me. But that name it's so familiar, it's a tip of my tongue but... Shaw. Shaw? Sebastian Shaw! Sebastian Shaw was an angered man who when in school took his anger at Erik, taking each punch with careful aim. he hated Erik and he hated me.

Moria tightened her grip on her cup turning her knuckles white as snow in December.   
"Shaw, Sebastian Shaw"   
"but why Erik though?"   
"Erik wanted Shaw to pay for what he did, to get what he deserved... I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but he won't let me" she replied her voice shaking now her hands gripping tighter around the cup. The look in her eyes suggested she was telling the truth and I sighed deeply trying to process the words trying to make sense of them.   
"Charles? Charles are you okay?" said Moria instantly waking me from my trance-like state.   
"Oh sorry..." I replied wiping away tears concealing them without her noticing. "well... let's go"   
"go? go where!?" Moria asked looking at me with confusion.   
"help Erik, he can't do this alone, not with his condition" my voice staining as Moria bit her lip indicating a hesitated form.

Moria tightened her lips before speaking.   
"but Charles Erik told me that..."   
"Erik is my boyfriend, I'll do anything to protect him" I dragged on and it was the truth, all of it was the truth, Erik was my boyfriend and I'll do anything to save him.   
"this will be difficult, are you sure..?"   
"I'm positive," I said back wanting to get away from this as possible for Shaw is a powerful man, a mutant stronger than Erik and I fear for the worst.   
"Shaw is powerful but together he is hopeless please will you help me, please help me protect Erik?" I pleaded wanting Moria to agree and with enough pleading she agreed on us and right then we shook hands and agreed to do so. My heart leapt for joy, something it hasn't done in years to which I hugged Moria with a friendly hug and left silently. I went back home where nothing much has changed and settled my self on the sofa not knowing what I got myself into but I didn't mind as I was in safe hands and so was Erik, it was always about Erik.

Going to bed was a painful journey that takes be takes me longer to fall asleep than usual. and by the time I looked at my clock, it was already one in the morning and I groaned and cried. I lacked sleep. I lacked Erik. I need Erik. I miss Erik. I love Erik. By this time Erik would have kissed me good morning and have made us breakfast before we went out for the day but now everything is empty and I'm alone, I'm always alone. Raven would try to fill in Erik's position but it wasn't the same but her company was all I could find despite her changes to Erik it wasn't him and I preferred if she was the real Raven. Raven and I would spend hours together, something to. get my mind off Erik but during a walk, through the park, like we did as children a pain in my head groaned and I felt a sharp pain in my head. I fell to the ground on my knees as Raven caught my fall. I placed my fingers to my temple and listened carefully trying to figure out the source of the voice but I was screaming loudly, the voice then become familiar, a voice I recognise... Erik!

As you can tell by now, my story seems likely to be a good one, a heroic one. But I can only tell you now that the next few days, mouths, years were about to change my life for the worst. My life will be circling through this field of madness unable to escape the fate I was destined to have. At this moment I would say it ends happy but I would be lying to myself and to Erik so I'll tell you the truth, to help you understand what I'm going through, what I been through and it isn't easy to come with me and I'll show you the truth like it is meant to be told.


	8. Chapter 8

The deal to find Erik hasn't been in motion, always on a standstill. Moria hasn't updated me on the Shaw part but more than that the voice that I heard all those years ago was real and it was his voice that I heard because it was so familiar. Back in 1958, Raven took me back home and cared for me as I rubbed my head, rubbing away the pain but not Erik. He stayed and his pain too. Four years forward and I'm still hearing his voice, that pain that never submits to the healing and here I am still waiting for a moment to come when we will venture off to seek Erik.   
"have you heard from Moria?" I asked wondering what has become of her in these past few years. Nothing was heard from the CIA and the wordless silence worried me.   
"no, not a word nor letter" replied Raven. She always had the best intentions but somehow this time something was off but I shrugged it away.

I performed certain plans trying to answer the one thing that the CIA was afraid to answer: Where is Erik? I searched endlessly not nothing came up, I tried searching for Shaw but it was all classified. It wasn't an easy task and it wasn't easy doing it alone so I gathered close friends to help me out. Hank, Alex, Darwin, Angel and Sean were all more than happy to help and as they came raven managed to finally contact Moria.   
"no... no, forget what I said last time, forget what I said.. its. Too. Dangerous." she called out banging her fist on the table. She wanted nothing of the deal but I was determined to force it out of her.   
"please... please you promised, you are my friend and friends help each other right? if you want to keep this friendship than help me. if not for Erik than help me" I called out asking Moria for her friendship, calling out her kindness to help find Erik and with a cold sigh she responded with a nod.   
"I'm only warning you, Charles, this isn't easy, this journey isn't easy" she replied before leaving.

Sometimes there is nothing we could do to convince Moria but this time it finally worked and for once in a while, it was nice to see her smiling again. The days went by and as always the closer we get to finding Erik the more I get excited. The feeling in my chest provided the motivation to keep moving forward, the feeling was big, bigger than I could ever imagine and there's nothing could go wrong now. Never and that's the truth. I had paced around wounding what to do next when Raven walked by my side, the gentle hands on my shoulder.   
"Hey, you might want to see this," she said her mouth turning slightly into a grin. I nodded and I went with her not knowing what to expect but soon I knew that I was in safe hands. There stood Moria with several other people.   
"if we want to save Erik we need the help with could get... say hello to my team"   
I said my welcome and from there we took our plan into action, no turning back.

The night fell again and soon we a few steps closer to finding Erik.   
"we are going to find you no matter what happens" I whispered hoping he'll hear me and when I had gotten into bed I couldn't sleep the pain in my stomach was unbearable. It continued my nightmares of Erik and his lifeless body stored in my mind not leaving even when I asked it to.   
"Oh gosh, please. please make it stop" I screamed in my sleep, the sweat running down my face. I straightened up breathing heavily wondering what had just happened and with that I cried trying to sleep again but I couldn't, I had so much pain and the thought of losing Erik was the last thing I want to do, he was more than just a friend, he was my lover and I had to face the facts of the other outcome.   
"Please hold on. I love you" I said attempting to sleep once more.

I had dreamt of the field around me, the way it was so familiar and surrounding was so unique to me.   
"Charles?" a voice came from afar but it got nearer and nearer until I finally recognise it.   
"Erik. ERIK" I shouted forcing myself up from the ground looking around and there he was, so tall and lean like I remembered.   
"Oh gosh I missed you"   
"I missed you too"   
we embrace each other not wanting to let go want to keep holding on.   
"kiss me please, I missed you for far too long," I said softly pulling him closer to me and once again I cried when I started feeling him fade away. The light shines through my window to realise the importance that saving him was the only option and for some reason I was more determined to find Erik, to let him learn to love again. To hope again.   
"you are not alone my friend, never again" and right then I got up l looked at myself in the mirror.   
"I'll never let anyone hurt, do you understand, I'll protect you and love you like you loved me" and with this and ran downstairs and met everyone already there waiting and prepared for what was to come and ready to fight our demons and save Erik.


End file.
